Write Your Story

I am finally able to write my life story.  My life was ruined from the day I was born.  Unwanted, sexually abused by my grandfather, which manifested into an eating disorder, thoughts of unworth, a cutter, depression, and waiting to die.

I now am in a place that I can tell my story and I want everyone to know that Your Past Does Not Define You.

The first book I published was My Bible--My GOD www.amazon.com/dp/B005N0ZDGW  In Print www.createspace.com/3614885

I am not trying to sell you my  books.  I want you to realize that all things are possible in your life.  Being sexually abused  doesn't stop your life.  You can move forward.  I am doing things I never thought was possible.  You need to forgive and move forward.

Is being sexually abused having you stuck in one place?  Let me know.  Let us help each other and others.

Recovery

I am a survivior of Sexually abuse by my grandfather.  I developed an eating disorder.

There are many types of recovery for an eating disorder.  Just because you are eating everyday does not mean that you have recovered.  Eating is only part of the recovery.  What about, your mind.  Do you still have negative thoughts?, so   Thoughts of killing yourself?  Thoughts that you are still fat, ugly, stupid?

You need to change the way of your thinking.  I know that this is not easy.  You just started eating something every day, and changing your mind is the last thing you are thinking about.  But you have to change your way of thinking in order to move on.

I didn't order out pizza, for years.  I didn't think I was worthy of carry out pizza.  I think about that and now it sounds so stupid to me.  I hated myself.  I thought I was stupid, unworthy.  I didn't want to leave the house.  I slept years away, waiting to die.

I am still here.  I ate crackers or bread to so I wouldn't have dry heaves.  Those are the worse.  I had terrible headaches, sick to my stomach and had no energy.  Food was my enemy.

I didn't start recovery until I started to change my thinking.  GOD saved me.  GOD healed me.

I went to doctors and they told me there was nothing wrong with me.

My family thought I was crazy and wanted to institutionalize me.  I had to get distance from my family, and live totally alone, no friends, no family so I would not be institutionalize.  That was when GOD could talk to me and I could hear him.

I hope that you don't have to do something so dramatic.  We all need a support system.  You have to get to a point where you want to live and start looking to GOD.  GOD is the only one who can heal you.

In my book :

What Every Parent Needs to Know About Eating Disorders www.amazon.com/dp/B00X3EBXX8

I survived Sexual Abuse  www.amazon.com.dp.B00X5080MW

www.amazon.com/dp/B006N0ZDGW

Your past does not define you.  Stop looking back and look forward.  That is something I have to remind myself everyday.  My Past Does Not Define Me.

I am working on a memoir of my sexually abuse and what manifested in my life because of that.  I urge you to journal. Grab a notebook and write down your thoughts and feelings.  Writing has kept me sane.  If you want to draw, write songs, anything to get what you are feeling and thinking out on paper or through song or art work.  Don't keep in buried inside.  You don't have to show it to anyone.

An eating disorder was what manifested from sexual abuse.  I also have been a cutter.  I am now ashamed of that anymore.  I have been through a lot and you might of been through worse than me.  I want you to know that you are not alone.

I am a voice for people who can not speak for themselves.

My books are on Kindle Unlimited.  Free for the subscribers.  If you are not a subscribers, the books are not priced high.

So let me know what you are going through and how you are recovering.  We can help each other.  You are not alone.

Don't be a victim anymore.  You are stronger than you think.

What are you doing for your recovery?  Leave a comment and lets get out of the darkness.

No Longer a Victim

The hardest part of being sexually abused was not talking about it.  I buried it, deep down inside of me.  I have no memory of my childhood.  I don't even remember highschool, even though I was sexually abused at a young age.

Whether you admit it or not, being sexually abused affects your entire life and will affect your adult life, your marriage and family life.

I will just say this.  I hate sex.  Whenever I had sex I could still feel my grandfather's hands on me, and his cigar breath.  Needless to say, my marriage didn't last nor can I have a sexual relationship because no one understands.

My advice to you, even if you just tell yourself is to talk about it.

1.  Stand in front of a mirror, and tell yourself.

2.  Journal.  Write down your feelings.

3.Confide in someone.  (make sure you can trust them.)

4.  Pray, talk to GOD

5.  Leave a comment.

The moment I said, "I think my grandfather did something to me"

A weight was lifted off of me.  Then once it was no longer a secret and out of the darkness, I told a co-worker and then she told me a story about her cousin.

We are not alone. It happens all the time.  The fact that we keep it a secret is only hurting ourselves.

We need to get out of the darkness and into the light.  The truth can not hurt us.

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www.amazon.com/dp/B006N0ZDGW  E-Book

www.createspace.com/3614885 Print Book

I Am No Longer A Victim

I thought that being sexually abused by my Grandfather was the worse thing that could happen to me.  I was so wrong.  I have been a walking mess most of my life.  My family denies that it ever happened.  They wanted me on medicine and out of their lives.

As a result, I had an eating disorder most of my life.  I have cut myself, I have abused alcohol and over the counter medicine.  I was waiting to die.  That didn't happen.  I would sleep in the bathtub with my bottle of vodka and over the counter medicine till I passed out.  I was always disappointed when I didn't wake up.

It wasn't till I gave my life to the Lord, that my life started to change.  GOD had plans for me.

This is my first Book that I wrote and published www.amazon.com/dp/B006N0ZDGE E-Book

www.createspace.com/3614885 Print Book

You are not alone.  You no longer have to be a victim.  Learn to take back your life, no matter what your age is.

I didn't learn till I was in my 50's that my entire family knew what my Grandfather was up to.  That turned my world upside down.  GOD  was with me and GOD showed me how to forgive.

I know how you feel.  I have been there.  Nothing worked for me.  There was not enough Vodka to dull the pain.  No one cared if I had cuts and scars on my arms.  I thought I was totally alone.  I wasn't.  GOD was with me waiting for me to reach out to him.

In this Blog I am going to be blunt and honest on my life and how I am dealing with the fact that my grandfather abused me and my family didn't care.

If this happened to you, if you were sexually abused I am asking you to follow my blog so we can help each other.  I know your pain.  I felt your pain.  You are not alone.

The picture on top of the blog is me, when I was sexually abused.

Leave a comment and let me know about you and what you are going through.  Let's heal together